Alternative Therapies

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The things we have to look forward to.




LOST IN THE DARNDEST PLACES:
An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car
has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation
to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the
brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried. The dispatcher said,
"Stay calm. An officer is on the way." A few minutes later, the officer
radios in. "Disregard." He says. "She got in the back-seat by mistake."
spam


FAMILY
Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together. One night the
96 year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to
the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?" The 94 year old
yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see." She starts up the
stairs and pauses "Was I going up the stairs or down?" The 92 year old is sitting
at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters. She shakes her
head
and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood." She
then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the
door."
spam


"I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!"
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March
day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?" "No," the second man
replied, "it's Thursday." And the third man chimed in, "So am I.....
Let's have a beer."
spam

LITTLE LADY:
A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home. As
she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say
"idiot." She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping
her gown at him, she said, "idiot." He sat silently for a moment or
two and finally answered, "I'll take the soup."
spam


DOWN AT THE RETIREMENT CENTER
80-year old Bessie bursts into the rec room at the retirement home. She
holds her clenched fist in the air and announces, "Anyone who can guess
what's in my hand can have idiot with me tonight!!" An elderly gentleman
in the rear shouts out, "An elephant?"
Bessie thinks a minute and says, "Close enough."
spam


OLD FRIENDS
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years,
they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their
activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day,
they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now
don't get mad at me,
I know we've been friends for a long time ...but I just can't think of
your name!
I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what
your name is." Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she
just stared and glared at her.
Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"
spam


SENIOR DRIVING
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I
just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on
Interstate 77. Please be careful!"
"Heck," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
spam


DRIVING
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely
see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an
intersection.
The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The woman in the
passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it. I could have
sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes, they
came to another inter-section and the light was red again. Again, they
went right through. The
woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red
but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting
nervous. At the next inter-section, sure enough the light was red and
they went on through. So, she turned
to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran
through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!"
Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh, crap, am I driving?"


TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!!

[Terri R.]

well..... we would like to think that it won't happen to us.




Let's just keep on thinking that!!

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oh now THAT is something to look forward to...LOL!!!!

[Terri R.]

everyone needs SOMETHING to look forward to, right?!?!?