Alternative Therapies

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Some of these have been around for a while


Any woman can have the body of a 21-year-old, as long as she buys him a few drinks first.

My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
I've still got it, but nobody wants to see it.

I'm getting into swing dancing. Not on purpose. Some parts of my body are just prone to swinging.

It's scary that I've started making the same noises as my coffee maker.

I think I've reached my idiot date.

The good news is that even as we get older, guys still look at our boobs. The bad news is they have to squat down first!!

These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief."

I've tried to find a suitable exercise video for women my age, but they
haven't made one called "Buns of Putty."

Don't think of it as getting hot flashes. Think of it as your inner child
playing with matches.

Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up.

Remember: We don't stop laughing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop laughing.

THE SENILITY PRAYER Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.