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Pearls of Wisdom

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Joined: 27 Apr 2004
Posts: 159
Location: North Carolina

PostPosted: Wed Jun 09, 2004 10:43 pm    Post subject: Pearls of Wisdom Reply with quote

Pearls of Wisdom

If you're not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he's the famous
scientist who once said: "I woke up one morning and all of my stuff had
been stolen...and replaced by exact duplicates." His mind sees things
differently than we do, to our amazement and amusement. Here are more of his gems:

1- I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

2- Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't
expect it back.

3- Half the people you know are below average.

4- 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5- 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

6- A conscience is what hurts when all your other
parts feel so good.

7- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad

8- If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the

9- All those who believe in psycho-kinesis, raise my

10- The early bird may get the worm, but the second
mouse gets the cheese.

11- I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me
before we met.

12- OK, so what's the speed of dark?

13- How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

14- If everything seems to be going well, you have
obviously overlooked something.

15- Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

16- When everything is coming your way, you're in the
wrong lane.

17- Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough
sense to be lazy.

18- Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off

19- I intend to live forever -- so far, so good.

20- If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy
her friends?

21- Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked
into jet engines.

22- What happens if you get scared half to death

23- My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your
brakes, so I made your horn louder."

24- Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

25- If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence
that you tried.

26- A conclusion is the place where you got tired of

27- Experience is something you don't get until just
after you need it.

28- The hardness of the butter is proportional to the
softness of the bread.

29- To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to
steal from many is research.

30- The problem with the gene pool is that there is no

31- The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll
have to catch up.

32- The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be
on it.

33- Everyone has a photographic memory, some just
don't have film!
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