Alternative Therapies Forum Index Alternative Therapies

 
 FAQFAQ   SearchSearch   MemberlistMemberlist   UsergroupsUsergroups   RegisterRegister 
 ProfileProfile   Log in to check your private messagesLog in to check your private messages   Log inLog in 

Holy Bloopers

 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    Alternative Therapies Forum Index -> Need a good laugh?
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
Tracer
Assistant Host


Joined: 27 Apr 2004
Posts: 476
Location: North Carolina

PostPosted: Thu Sep 15, 2005 9:18 p    Post subject: Holy Bloopers Reply with quote

From our long lost Mullein

Holy Bloopers


1. Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at
Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

2. Announcement in a church bulletin for a national PRAYER & FASTING
Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference
includes meals."

3. The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight:
"Searching for Jesus."

4. Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the
recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

5. "Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those
things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."

6. The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a
conflict.

7. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.

8. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "hell" to someone who doesn't
care much about you.

9. Don't let worry kill you off . . . let the church help.

10. Miss Charlene Mason sang, "I will not pass this way again," giving
obvious pleasure to the congregation.

11. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery
downstairs.

12. Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the
help they can get.

13. Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more
transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of
Pastor Jack's sermons.

14. During the absence of our Pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of
hearing a good sermon when J. F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.

15. The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will
sing "Break Forth Into Joy."

16. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the
church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

17. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music
will follow.

18. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be, "What is
Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

19. Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of
several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

20. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be
recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

21. The Lutheran men's group will meet at 6 P.M. Steak, mashed potatoes,
green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.

22. Please place your donations in the envelope along with the deceased
person you want remembered.

23. Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.

24. The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment and
gracious hostility.

25. Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 P.M. - prayer and medication to follow.

26. The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may
be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

27. This evening at 7 P.M. there will be a hymn sing in the park across from
the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

28. Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are
invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done. The pastor
would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their
electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

29. Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the
back door.

30. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use large double door at the side entrance.

31. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church
basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

32. The Assistant Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan
last Sunday, "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Terri R.
Site Admin


Joined: 21 Apr 2004
Posts: 629
Location: So. Calif.

PostPosted: Mon Sep 26, 2005 5:43 p    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm sure I've seen this before, but as I read through it (again?) I STILL had tears rolling down my face... laughing so hard it hurts!!

ROFLMAOPIMP!!!!!!!!!
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Tracer
Assistant Host


Joined: 27 Apr 2004
Posts: 476
Location: North Carolina

PostPosted: Tue Sep 27, 2005 12:44 p    Post subject: Reply with quote

well I was LMAO!! just thinking about you laughing so hard at this Smile Glad I could bring some laughter to your day/night Smile
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Terri R.
Site Admin


Joined: 21 Apr 2004
Posts: 629
Location: So. Calif.

PostPosted: Tue Sep 27, 2005 12:49 p    Post subject: Reply with quote

I can't remember when I laughed that much, or that hard.... and it felt great !!! Laughter is the best medicine! Smile
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic    Alternative Therapies Forum Index -> Need a good laugh? All times are GMT - 12 Hours
Page 1 of 1

 
Jump to:  
You can post new topics in this forum
You can reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum



Powered by phpBB 2.0.6 © 2001, 2002 phpBB Group

RETURN TO HealingDeva Web Site